We're Back!!

What a week! Dorset was beautiful, but wet and windy. We would go back again, except...

Jamie hardly slept the whole week. He was physically fighting to stay awake. So we didn't sleep much either. Still it was barely two hours away and everything was close to the cottage. And you can drive with you're eyes closed! It is possible to be asleep and still function as if you were wide awake! But it did make me wonder if we will ever be able to have family holidays as Jamie gets older. If it's going to cause such disruption is it worth it? And today we saw one of his doctors who told us that he will almost certainly never live independent and will always need a high level of care. Which we knew, sort of, but it brings it home when someone says it out loud. I don't mind not being able to go back to work, I never had a high flying job anyway. But Richard will want to retire an a few years and I was supposed to go back to work then, so we would swap if you like. Now that can't happen. Richard wouldn't be able to look after Jamie full time with his own health problems. And now factor my dad into the equation and it looks like I'm going to be a full time career for the rest of my life. Which is fine, really it is. It's not what I expected my life to become, but there you go. What worries me is how it's all going to work. I can't expect Richard to just keep on working till he drops, but nor am I going to be able to go back to work until Jamie is much older, if at all. His care needs might get more the older he gets, we just don't know. And all this is assuming my mental health stays level. I haven't had an 'episode' for a year or so now. I get very down and weepy, and wound up about anything and everything, but I haven't gone to sleep and hoped desperately not to wake up for a long time.

Anyway while we were away we got news of dad's scan. It seems to show that the cancer has not spread. And it looks like they can operate and remove it completely. He has got to have another kind of scan to confirm this. And then we wait for op day. He's loosing a lot of weight, which he needed to do quite honestly, but seems quite bright now. Fingers crossed that it is all as hopeful as they seem to think. Maybe I can start to think about what to get him for his birthday after all.

Next 2 chapters of MG are on WNR.